I would ask you what is happening, but I really don’t care. So today, I’m making myself write another review, and stooff. So, it’s a Mario game, but which one? I dunno, Mario makes some sports games so there are plenty options in that district. One came out over a week ago, so I’ll probably do that. It’s Mario Tennis Open, yeah… that one.

Ok, let’s get this crap started. So, it’s a 3DS game, I have one of those, and what happens is you play as Mario and all his friends, and some of his non-friends (Luigi) and you try to get all the cup, that’s about it for the story mode. Basically once you get every cup with a single person for the first time you unlock a new tennis court, Yeah! Rewards! Ok, it’s not that great of a reward but you can shut up. There’s plenty of other stuff, like mini games that you can use to unlock new characters, like Baby Mario, Baby Peach, a regular every day baby and a little known Mario character, Tim, I lied about Tim, he’s not in this game, which is a shame because when you meet him in Paper Mario he’s pretty spectacular (I wonder who’s going to check that out.)

Probably the “coolest” feature is your ability to play as your Mii, that doesn’t sound really cool, but they make hilarious tennis grunts, and you can actually forge them into your own type of playing style by unlocking new pants, rackets, shoes, and wristbands, cause they’re cool like that. It’s pretty cool that you can make them however you want, you could get a character that runs around really fast and hits the ball as hard as Bowser. Which brings me to my next point. Every character has a certain playing style, like All-Around, Technique, Power, Speed, and Tricky (Ooooh that Tricky, he really turns my toilet) each character falls into one of these categories, you can play around with them to see what you like, I enjoy Tricky characters because they freegin’ hit the ball freegin’ every freegin’ where.

This game institutes a gyro-control method, the purpose I assume it’s designed for is playing the game, but I hate that crap, I’m used to standardized tennis action, I play Mario games because I don’t want to be down on that court hitting balls. But what happens is, you tilt your 3DS up and the view goes over the shoulder, and your character moves to wherever the ball is coming, then it’s your job to turn the 3DS to where you want to hit the ball and press a button. That’s so lame, plus there are button combinations you need to get certain types of shots but instead you can just tap the combination on the bottom screen, Americans… Too lazy to play a game right, Wuzzat? Nintendo is Japanese? But Mario speaks perfect English. And how about that “character moves to the ball” function, that’s gotta make matches one sided. I don’t use the gyro-controls in any game every because I feel like a tool tilting my DS this way and that, I just want a freegin’ second analog stick. Is that too much to ask? Yes? Fine, I’ll shut up then. There, that’s my rant, drink your milk.

Mario Power Tennis for the GameCube had these things called “Power shots” what happened was your character’s racket lit up and you pressed a button to hit that crap into hyperspace, or get a ball that was too far away for your puny arms to reach. In this game, they do away with power shots for special shots which are activated by running over a glowing portion of the court and pressing the button that corresponds with the colour, then you get a hyped up version of the standard shot, for example, the blue colour is your standard “slice” (whatever that means) which basically curves the ball a little, but when you stand on one of the blue special shot circles and do a slice you curve that crap around the world. Or around the court. My guess is that Nintendo thought the power shots gave people too much of an advantage, and they didn’t want people to rely solely on skill to win so they needed some kind of gimmick to let people feel awesome without really doing anything. I have no problem with the special shots, if they’re in my favour. But aside from that they almost seem cheaper than power shots and they can really make or break a match. I think that while they’re nice and Mario is known for its sports gimmicks they shouldn’t have been so frequent. There, that’s my rant, stay in school.

Let me wrap this up here, Tennis, Mario, 3D, need I say anything more? Ok, so the power shots have the potential to ruin any multiplayer experience, and there have been reports of people using the gyro controls to cheat so I have no intentions of playing online in this game, maybe local download play but not with some tool face in Sweden that can’t actually play some GAWSH DANG FREAKING MARIO TENNIS!!!!

On a scale from you to me, Mario Tennis Open gets a 3D thumbs up!

There, that’s my rant, don’t do drugs.