[Ph!GR] Destiny


The Warlock needs food badly

Destiny is a game about space but also about wizards. Don’ task me how that works, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the whole situation.

I figured it out. Destiny blends sci-fi and fantasy into some form of mangled love-child that can only speak in high pitched shrills and fart noises made with its mouth…

Here’s the story.

That was the story.

I don’t freaking know what happened. I just did stuff until there was a cutscene telling me how I did stuff better than everyone else did the stuff then I did some more stuff because I need to level up. Sure they told me what I was doing but 90% of that just went over my head. I guess the idea of Destiny is to look up what the dang heck is actually going on in the story online but that is the worst design choice since gyro-controlled balance beams and you can’t defend that. So no, I have no idea why that wizard came from the moon or why I killed three statues at the end. Look, freaking Dark Souls tells its story better than Destiny. And Dark Souls’ entire story is told through item descriptions and NPCs that you have to fall of a cliff onto an invisible path to get to. But at least all the story elements are in the freaking game.

As I said earlier, there’s a blend of sci-fi and fantasy. If you don’t know anything about Destiny you should probably crawl out from under that rock you been livin’ under and let me ‘splain it real goooooood. The game is a first person shooter that contains leveling and questing similar to something you would find in a classic MMORPG. Each of the three classes the player can choose have analogues to the typical RPG types. The Titan is a basic knight class. The Warlock is similar to a mage. And the Hunter is a rogue. If you’re familiar with those classes then I don’t really need to go into detail on what the three classes do. The trifecta of dudes play slightly differently than each other but not enough to make playing one more enjoyable than the others. That’s disappointing because I wanted to play as a space-magi, throwin’ around fireballs and casting thundragas and chizz but no, just a dude with a gun and warpy grenades.

But at least the game is fun. The shooting is solid, (it was made by Bungie, I would hope the shooting’s good) and what more do you really need? Unfortunately the rest of the game feels tedious. There are only a handful of missions on all four of the planets you can visit so you’ll be replaying the same crap over and over to get bigger numbers on your guns until you have the biggest numbers of all the space-magi. It sucks that there isn’t more game in my game. But it’s addicting as all else, let me tell you.

Destiny is the best bad game I’ve played.

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