Today is a day that a day does the day type things, what does a day do? Heck if I know. But today I will be bringing you another hidden gem that only three people actually read; you could classify yourself as a hipster you know. Just watching BSE and viewing the site is enough to make you a hyper hipster. You could probably go up to a hipster and tell him about this and he would have no idea what you’re talking about. You would be so cool, so go do that, get the Empire the hipster demographic, and we’ll make sure that hipsters love us. But today, I am going to talk about one of the single most mainstream games this side of mainstream land… MineCraft. Yeah, MineCraft. MineCraft is a game made by some people that had nothing better to do apparently.

So, the story… There is none, you basically start off standing somewhere, looking like a tool. Then it’s your job to make some tools, first you have to punch a tree, then you have to build a house, probably build a bed to cower in when night falls lest you want to be eaten by zombies. Zombies show up, and skeletons, and spiders, and these things called creepers, they are basically these green dudes that blow up all the time, and they’re total douchebags. So you get your house built, it’s probably made up of either wood or dirt, if you’ve made it out of anything else then I hate you. So, you’ve gotten the Crafting part out of the equation, now you need to do some Mining, you’re going to need some sticks and some wooden planks to perform this task, you form them into a pickaxe and get to hacking… that’s it. You spend the rest of the game doing that, but it’s a lot better than it sounds, I’m not doing it justice. If you’re feeling creative, then you just have to funnel that creativity into some form of anything really, there’s nothing holding you back, except for the laws of gravity and the laws of gravy. Gravity affects you, but not your creations, so there’s nothing stopping you from creating a giant bust of Abraham Lincoln in the sky, if you want to risk meeting with an untimely death while working on ol’ honest Abe’s neckline, then that’s something you should take up.

Let me tell you a little something about this game, before you start playing it solely on my words. This game’s graphics aren’t as great as you Crysis players want, the graphics are 64-bit which, if you put two and two together, is no better than the Narntandoodoo shmexty-fire. One last thing about this game is that you get a certain feeling of loneliness, the worlds are huge, spanning as much as 6 times the surface area of planet earth, that’s the planet that you live on… I hope. In these worlds it’s just you, and maybe some of your friends, nobody else. What makes it worse is that in the newer updates you can find abandoned mine shafts, which shows you that somebody was there, but isn’t any more for some ominous reason.

MineCraft is a fantastic game, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. Because it’s true. I don’t really have anything else to say about MineCraft.

GETS A TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN!!!!

And a picture of a kitten