Mico Does Reviews!
That’s what I’m going to call this from now on… I lied, I’m not going to change the name, I’m too lazy to type in a different thing every Saturday, or whenever I get around to it, I’m sorry about that, I try to keep up with the high demand for my comedy, but I have a life outside of video games (No I don’t).
Today
It’s
A-gonna
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Da Mario!
Geez, enough of that noise.
Today, I’m reviewing a game very close to my heart. It’s stapled to my heart. Legend OF ZELFDA!!! DA VIEDND WAKEFRPOIJEFR!!! Sorry ‘bout that. I got really excited about that. It’s Legend Of Zelda: Wind Waker though. So, Wind Waker might arguably be the best Zelda game ever created, you can deny this, but you know that Wind Waker holds a special place in your heart, that place that you save for something genuinely inspiring. So what makes WW so awesome? Well, it’s a Zelda game so it already gets like 50 awesome points automatically, it’s the first great game for the GameCube, (It was released after Stairfax Temperatures, so it’s got some tough competition) that adds another 25. Plus the gameplay is amazing and the art style is a welcomed change of pace, add anything else that I forgot to mention and you’re looking at at least 200 awesome points, and those are not achieved very easily, I myself only have 32, and I’m the coolest person I know. So, let’s get right into the nerdy.
WW’s story centers around Link, he’s like this guy or whatever and no one actually knows who he is, because no one has ever heard of this franchise… and some idiots call him Zelda, stop it… Zelda is a girl’s name. You can name Link whatever you want, I always go with Broseph, because then people call him Broseph, (duh) which I find hilarious, you could also come up with your own clever name, like “tool-bag” “cabbage breath” or “moron”, then everybody will thank you, but it will sound sarcastic, like, “Thanks for saving Zelda, moron.” Which we all know is just the greatest thing ever.
Anyways, you get the name-calling out of the way, then you start off standing somewhere on an island somewhere in an ocean that’s somewhere on a planet, that’s a vague enough description. And then your sister is all like “GET A JOB!!” she’s a jerk like that. Anyways, Link steals her telescope because it may or may not have been his birthday that day, and it may or may not have been a gift. Then she forces Link to look around with the telescope, cause she’s a jerk like that, then you see a giant bird holding a girl in it’s sharp talons, they’re hyper sharp, like look at ‘em and die sharp. So this bird gets shot at by some pirates and drops the girl in a forest on the island. Now Link goes around stealing items that he needs to go into this forest to save this mystery lady, such as a sword and a shield, his Grandma has the shield hidden behind her back, cause she doesn’t want her failure of a grandson to steal it. Eventually, after much extortion, Link gets the shield from his poor, now defenseless, grandmother. You adventure into these woods, save the girl and you win… until your sister gets swooped up by the bird… DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!!!
Now you have to join the pirates in a quest to save your sister, that’s how it goes! Pretend you care about your siblings. Some stuff happens, you get shot out of a cannon onto the fortress island that the bird lives, you lose sword, you have sneak around place to find sword, you get sword, you use sword, bird chucks you to another island after showing you Ganondorf, you know, what usually happens to me on a Friday. Whatever, on this island you meet the King Of Red Lions, if you’ve played Zelda games before let me explain this concept, he’s like Epona, only a boat, that talks, and has a beards. Now you can go around the Great Sea with relative ease, because you’re on a BOAT!! Yeah, that’s a joke, somehow.
I’m going to say something right now, on a realistic rating scale, Wind Waker gets a 10 out of 10, that’s how great it is, but almost every Zelda game gets that score, excluding Zelda 2, if you like it that’s fine, but you keep that crap out of my house. If you’ve never played a Zelda game before, this one is probably your best bet at getting started, it’s not ludicrously hard, yet satisfyingly challenging, and it doesn’t have a fairy, which we all know is the worst part about any Zelda game. My only complaint is that when you aim, the x-axis is inverted, which basically means that when you move the control stick up Link aims down, it’s a minor detail but I frequently miss because I’m not used to that crap man. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Hey, that’s it? That’s this genius’s only complaint? Well, this Zelda vidyo gam sounds like the best thing since my last slice of bread.” Yeah, that’s the only complaint I have. Maybe the whole sneaking part in the beginning, but that’s all I can think of.
On my standard rating scale of Justin Bieber to talent. Wind Waker gets a bearded boat.