Sit down, my dear peasants. The queen is going to read you a story.

There once was a little boy named Bacon. He was a farmer’s son, who grew large fields of various pork meats–bacon being the majority of the crops. One day, Bacon was skipping through the beautiful red-and-white-striped fields of his father’s bacon farm, smelling the wonderful aroma that of which was bacon. But on that fateful day, he had tripped upon a bacon root and face-planted into the dirt. When the little boy got up, he realized he had better things to do than riskily skip through the bacon fields. He decided…to run into the village of Baconavia, that in which he resided, and shout some words.

“The Bacon-killers are coming!” The boy cried with all his little brains. “The Bacon-killers are coming!”

The Baconavians rushed out of their houses, crying and running for the hills, taking all the bacon they could carry. But when they realized Continue reading →

Queen of the Bacon has arrived, my wonderful peasants. It is I, Bacqueen–or as some might know me–Allison Charmaine–or even Princess Allsion. Yes, yes. Hold your applause, my dear friends! I come baring wonderful news!  It is this: I am making my first post! You may applaud now! …Now! I SAID APPLAUD–thank you.

I’m going to talk about the assembling of our beautiful empire: Bacon Strip Empire. Ah, yes, our skyscrapers reach beyond the heavens with their grease, painting the skies with red and darker red and even darker red than that of which is darker red! It all began on a mid-summer’s day of June in the year of 2011. Continue reading →