Ok, so, yes, yep, uh-huh, so, yeah, so, sure, or whatever. So just the last of the weeks The Walking Dead video game came out on the Xboxes and PlayStations or what have you. I purchased said game on my Xbox or PlayStation or what have me, and played it. After about 3 hours I beat it. It’s a short game because it’s part of an episodic series of Walking Dead games that come out every month from April to August, so it’ll be a fairly long game by the time they’re all released.  Yeah, read on. Or whatever.

Just in case no one knows what The Walking Dead is, it’s a game, based off a show, based off a comic, based off a real life event that never happened. In The Walking Dead there are a bunch of zombies, and a smaller number of non-zombies. And in the end, they decide to set aside their differences and learn to live together in harmony… or the survivors get eaten alive by zombies. The comic series isn’t completed yet, so that ending has some leniency. The comics and show follow the same group of survivors and the same plot line, the game features a black guy that killed some really important guy, maybe. The stories don’t really affect each other, the game features some characters from the show but that’s about it.

Story part.

So, the aforementioned African American gentleman in question, is Lee Everett, and Lee is a really bad guy, but he’s also pretty nice, but he also killed a state senator that slept with his wife… but he also saved a little girl from zombies… so he can’t be all that bad… maybe. The game begins with Lee sitting in the back of a cop car talking to some old police officer, he seems like a nice enough guy, till he tries to eat your brains, but he just has allergies. So, while talking to the guy, Lee notices that a rather peculiar man has positioned himself in the vehicles path of trajectory, here you can make some of the best dialogue choices in any game ever, because you get a split second to press A, X, Y or B and you never know which one you’ll press, so you’ll end up with such gems as “Watch the road!” or “Oh Sh-!“ That’s one downside about the game is that every other word out of a select few characters mouths is a swear.

Lee wakes up around 3 days later with a minor case of the injured, bloody, mess of a leg. He gets out of the police car and snags the keys off the dead officer. Then he gets his handcuffs off (he was wearing handcuffs, pretend I mentioned that.) But then the cop isn’t actually dead, he was just snoozing. So a rather displeased man of the law wakes up from his nap and tries to tell Lee that he did a bad thing, and he wouldn’t get dessert at the prison. But Lee, being the upstanding citizen he is, grabs a shotgun and blows out the policeman’s brains. Then a bunch of zombies come out of the woodwork, and try to get some Lee eating action, because they’re attracted to the sound of gunfire, just a general rule of thumb during the zombie apocalypse. So he runs up the hill to a house and jumps the fence, now most home-owners would be angry if a man hopped their fence uninvited, but these citizens are invisible and couldn’t care less about who approaches their home. Then Lee finds Clementine, she’s eight but is still in grade 1, or something like that. Whatever, I know she’s in the first grade, but they never tell me how old she is. I’m getting off topic. Lee takes her under his wing and they go to find some shelter until this whole, messy zombie business is taken care of… if it ever is.

The game is fun enough, but I hope you like cut scenes, cause that’s all it is. It’s one 3 hour long cut scene. It’s not like a third person shooter or anything, because guns are a bad idea. It’s more of a point and click, you move around with your left stick and move a cursor around with the right one. You still following me? It gets more complicated. You move the cursor over an item that is highlighted with a circle and press one of the face buttons A, X, Y, or B, that makes your choice. This theme continues throughout the entire fiasco, so if you were expecting a like a shoot all zombies and not care about the consequences then you just get the crap out of here. There are plenty a consequence in this game. Just like in a real life situation… Sorry “Kill 50 Miscellaneous Soldiers In A Single Room Before You Get To The Other Room To Kill 50 More Miscellaneous Soldiers” fan-boys. It’s not so willy nilly. The gameplay choice makes a lot of sense for the type of story that goes with The Walking Dead, taking on more than one zombie at a time is probably a bad idea, guns make noise, and noise attracts zombies and people are made out of tissue paper, seriously, that’s realism right there.

The Walking Dead Episode 1 gets Mico’s traditional rating. On a scale from getting eaten alive to eating a steak The Walking Dead gets a picture of Garrus.

Yeah… Garrus, again.