SATURDAY!!!!@!!!!!!!!!!@!@&*!%T*!&#()$#(&%(^@$^*(I$&
stubbed my toe srry :(
So, what does this mean, you ask? You stupid? You been paying attention? You stupid.
REVIEW TIME!
But what? I don’t know, how’s about… Kirby’s Return To Dreamland. Yeah, that’s cool, Kirby, he’s that plumber that saves the princess right? No? he’s that guy that wears that funky green hat and saves the princess? No? He’s that guy that wears green power armor, kills aliens in space and saves the purple holographic princess right? No? Well, then I have no idea.
Whazzat? He’s a tiny pink ball that eats everything in his path and he doesn’t save the princess? WHO WOULD PLAY A GAME LIKE THAT!? WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT!?
Whew. Wait, what just happened? I was in the bathroom… Who wrote this? Whatever, I’ll use it. So, Kirby? Yeah, I know Kirby, he sucks up every living creature he comes across, he’s like a mass murderer and he kills everyone including their families, yeah, I know the guy.
So, Kirby’s Return to Dreamland, I guess they called it this because it’s actually Kirby’s second game on the Wii after Kirby’s Epic Yarn, which was painfully adorable. And I’m surprised that I didn’t write a review of it, I guess now I have something to do. Anyways, Epic Yarn was a departure from the classic Kirby style of being able to suck up all them fools and floating around pretending you were good at video games. Nintendo took all of that classic Kirby action and stapled some four-player co-op to it, and thus was born Kirby’s Epi- no, no, not that. Kirby’s Return to Yarnla- no, that’s not real. Kirby’s Return to Dreamland.
STORY!
Kirby’s Epic Yarn… crap. Return to Dreamland takes place in Dreamland, which is like this planet that’s shaped like a star, looks totally normal when you’re standing on it but from space it’s all shiny and golden. Kirby and his three friends that he always drags along, (King Dedede, Meta Knight, and a Waddle Dee that has a bandana on,) are running around eating cake or some crap, when a space ship falls from the sky, literally a space ship. It’s a high-tech pirate ship, with oars and everything. Kirby, being the moron that he is decides to run inside this mysterious ship. It’s the Kirby universe so nothing is actually scary at all. Inside he meets an alien, by the name of Kevin, or something stupid like that. Kevin tells them that his ship broke into five parts while he was crashing, conveniently scattered across Dreamland in five distinct areas. Then Kirby and the three amigos embark on a journey around the neighborhood, collecting all sorts of knick-knacks and doo-dads.
THE END!
Seriously that’s the story in a nutshell. Kirby games are not known for their deep and emotional, and heart breaking stories.
The game features four player co-op, which is nice and allows you to yell at your friends. The other three players can choose between King Dedede Meta Knight and the Waddle Dee or another Kirby. Each of the characters have “unique” play styles, when in actuality, they’re just one of Kirby’s copy abilities, King Dedede is Hammer, Meta Knight is Sword and Waddle Dee is Spear. The benefit to playing as one of these is that you can’t lose the ability and Kirby is kind of shardy without an ability. Co-op is a huge help in this game, the difficulty between having one and two players is the same difference as eating a steak or being eaten by a steak, one is far less enjoyable than the other. It’s up to you to decide which is which. Seriously, I tried beating a level like fifteen times by myself, and then when Fair-haired Calen joined in as King Dedede we beat the level with no trouble. I think this is because the game doesn’t actually scale to the number of players; it’s just the same number all the time. Maybe the hard-core Kirby players (I can’t keep a straight face, Hard-core Kirby players… lol,) will enjoy the difficulty, but for me it was kind of unforgiving. Maybe I’ve got to try the fly over the level tactic. The biggest problem with the co-op is the fact that you can jump on the back of your friends, sure it’s like one of those, “Hey, your friends probably suck at platforming games, let them ride around on you during the tough parts” mechanics, but sometimes, I’m just jumping, and I jump too close to Calen, accidentally then suddenly I’m sitting on his back, and I’m completely immobilized, maybe the system would work better if I could like shoot fireballs off his back or something. So the piggy back system gets in the way when you’re unintentional about it, but when you want to get a piggy-back ride, it’s almost as if it doesn’t exist at all, like you’re just jumping on top of your friend, making yourself look like a tool.
When you beat Return to Dreamland you get like this “Hyper-Elite-Master-Quest mode” which just lops your health bar in half and has twenty enemies slapping you in the face at all times.
The gameplay and controls are pretty solid, you get infinity double-jumps which is where the fly over the level tactic comes into play. If you play as Kirby, which first player is required to do. You can inhale certain enemies and gain their rights and freedoms… and powers. Stuff like fire, ice, hammer, and ninja, to name a few. There are maybe around twenty different powers, each with their own special moves list… except for the rock, that crap is useless. Every power (except for the rock) has your standard attack, an air attack, some get power attacks where you hold in the attack button, some have directional attacks, sprinting attacks, power air attacks, power directional air attacks, and what have you… except for the rock.
The amazing rock action. Look at all that action.
Another big thing about this game, is the super copy abilities, these are like regular copy abilities, only screen clearing, you basically suck up a certain type of enemy, and the you kill everything in your way. I’m not kidding, all will fall, all fall at the might of Kirby.
I usually don’t mention a games soundtrack unless I’m really fond of it. Not a lot of games get the honor of actually impacting me with music, but this was one of those games. The music isn’t the kind that you would remember anywhere, Like Legend Of Zelda, but it’s definitely something. Some songs don’t even sound very Kirby like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkDC4ddXhpc and some are just too upbeat http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbUEtAPdW-g&feature=relmfu (I don’t expect you to listen to all of them just enough to get what you’re dealing with.)
All-in-all this game is a fun experience, and filled to the brink with laughter, provided you’re playing it with a couple buddies or my boon companion. No ratings here, just a solid opinion.
And on a side note, I really want to do a Skyward Sword review, but I want to actually do a video review, just because I feel that a game like that really can’t be done justice with me just describing my experience. It’s one of those things that I’ve got to show you, and then start yelling. That’s my style. So, you can look forward to seeing that, and you can keep your beans cool. Good day.