Never make a girl a promise unless you forget the quote.
Boy-oh-boy…
I feel like I should say something but I’m not gonna…
HALO 4!
STORY!
HALO TAKES PLACE ON A HALO, YOU PLAY AS THE MASTER CHIEF, HE’S REAL STRONG AND HE CAN TAKE ON ALL THE BAD GUYS, IF I COULD MEET THE MASTER CHIEF I’D TELL HIM HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME!
I lied.
Halo 4 picks up like a billion years after Halo 3 and tasks Master Chief with killing the bad guys. Also, Cortana, his pink lady friend is going crazy, also. Stories are unimportant.
HALO 4!
GAMEPLAY!
If I could summarize this game in one word, I think I would use “Churro”… but because that doesn’t make sense, so instead I’ll use “Satisfying”. This game just makes me feel satisfied, like a grilled cheese, or a churro. (I guess it did make sense.) All the sound effects have been redone to make the guns sound like angels would if they were guns. And the gameplay is a lot quicker because they took a page from Call of Duty’s metaphorical book and made sprint a thing instead of it being part of a bunch of other things, these other things being armour abilities, which have all been improved from Halo Reach. Another thing they took from CoD is specialized loadouts. Instead of starting each multiplayer match with an assault rifle and getting to pick ability, you can go into the menu and pick out your favorite gun, armour ability and grenade, luckily they limit you from starting off with a shotgun or energy sword, those guns, along with many others, are pick-ups that you can’t have in your loadout.
‘nother thing that happens maybe, is Spartan Ops, which isn’t anything like Black Ops which is far superior in every way. (Any fanboys in the house?) Spartan Ops has you play as your multiplayer character in short story-esque missions that revolve around you mostly going into some area that’s crawling with enemies then you have to hit a switch and kill every enemy. Every. Freaking. Time. Seriously, every Spartan Ops tasks you with the same objective. Yeah, sure it’s fun the first couple of times and it makes sense, but I don’t want to have to kill every alien on the map just so my retarded friends can land their retarded helicopter-jet. Plus they add more levels every week with new cutscenes that you can’t just watch because they won’t make any sense without doing any of the previous missions. So that’s Spartan Ops, a fun little distraction that 343 really wanted to make the centre of attention. I’m no expert, but most games make the campaign the centre of attention.
So, whatever, this review is pretty short… so, uh, everybody’s playing Halo 4… why aren’t you?
That took me about thirty seconds to write, so I got some extra time… uhh, how’s the family? They’re good? That’s goo-
NEXT WEEK!
PAPER MARIO!
THE NEW ONE!
NOT THE 64 ONE!
ALTHOUGH THAT ONE’S COMING!
CAPS LOCK IS MY FRIENDS!
ONE TIMES I AND CAPS LOCK WAS HANGING AT A NIGHTCLUB AND HE WAS ALL LIKE “HEY, WE SHOULD GO SOMEWHERE!” (HE’S ALWAYS YELLING!) AND I WAS ALL LIKE “YEAH, WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT!” (I WAS ALSO YELLING, THE CLUB WAS PRETTY LOUD!) AND THEN HE WAS ALL LIKE “HOLD UP! HOT CHICKS!” AND THEY TOTALLY HEARD HIM AND I WAS ALL LIKE “CAPS LOCK, YOU STUPID IDIOT! THOSE GIRLS AREN’T THAT HOT!” AND THAT’S WHY I’M ALL ALONE THIS CHRISTMAS AND CAPS LOCK IS DATING, LIKE, FIFTY DIFFERENT GIRLS WHO ARE ALL SMOKING HOT!
Sorry ‘bout that.