{"id":885,"date":"2012-12-01T16:27:17","date_gmt":"2012-12-01T22:27:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/baconstripempire.wordpress.com\/?p=731"},"modified":"2013-07-17T08:19:49","modified_gmt":"2013-07-17T14:19:49","slug":"phantastic-game-reviews-the-walking-dead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/phantastic-game-reviews-the-walking-dead\/","title":{"rendered":"[Ph!GR] The Walking Dead"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"tiAhQ_blo0Sz3dS3cBrZ1Q2\"<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

Something relevant. <\/b><\/p>\n

Oh man. That was pretty cool\u2026 oh, sorry, I didn\u2019t see you there. I was just killing a five story tall demon-bear from Mercury with my bare hands. What have you done with your day? Killed a six story demon-bear from Mercury with your bare feet? Crap\u2026 at least I have style. That\u2019s probably something you lack-<\/p>\n

OH GOSH DANG!<\/p>\n

WALKING DEAD!<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a thing, Walking Dead is a thing. More importantly it\u2019s a thing. A TV\/Comic book series thing that some geniuses adapted into a game. And these geniuses earn their name in a totally non-sarcastic Falco Lombardi kind of way. Seriously, there\u2019s no sarcasm in there. Honestly, don\u2019t read this in (I assume) the regular sarcastic voice you read this crap in, this is serious time. The Walking Dead might be my favorite thing since sliced peanut butter\u2026 That doesn\u2019t exist, does it? Whatever, it\u2019s pretty freaking great.<\/p>\n

But I can already hear you clawing at your computer screen, claiming that I already reviewed the Walking Dead game, and you\u2019re right. But not as right as you would think\u2026 that means you\u2019re wrong. See, I already reviewed the first episode of the Walking Dead game, but that\u2019s just the thing, there\u2019s more. Four more, to be exact.<\/p>\n

The Walking Dead game is split into five parts, each encompassing Lee Everett\u2019s journey into the deep, with his handy sidekick, Clementine. Watch as the two do-gooders escape from the evil Zombie King and his army of Zombies, Next week, same time. Sorry\u2026 got a little cheesy announcer there. Basically every episode is between 3 to 5 hours in length and every episode tasks Lee with keeping his fun-time friends alive and make some freaking tough choices. You\u2019ll be hard-pressed to figure out if what you did was the right thing to do in that situation, and that makes me sad, it probably makes everybody sad. Here\u2019s why.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Every choice (how seemingly insignificant it seems at the times) makes a huge impact on the way things play out later on in the game. See, you\u2019ll have Clementine with you pretty much the entire time, and she\u2019ll see your actions. Clem acts as the projection of your choices, so if she sees you murder someone, she\u2019s probably not going to like you, if you lie to her, it\u2019s going to come back to bite you right in your booty. Clementine is honestly probably one of my favorite characters in video games because, while most characters motivations stay the same and Lee\u2019s are busy bouncing around the place with yours, Clem changes dynamically depending on how much of a jerk Lee acts, which is you. And Clementine is a pretty cool name.<\/li>\n
  2. The writing is da breas- Best*. Seriously. The comics are written pretty good, the show is written even better and the game could win a gabajillion Mico\u2019s-favorite-things-ever-Awards(and those don\u2019t come easy) for expert writing. Every character has their own flaws and their own distinct personality and their own motivations, relationships, opinions and their own toast-making technique, which make you either love them or hate them and when they die you\u2019ll always feel sad, whether or not you wanted it to happen.<\/li>\n
  3. That\u2019s also because the voice acting is superb. Each character is well-voiced and you can tell that the actors probably have, or at least should have, been paid top-notch. When a character is angry, you wish you hadn\u2019t made them so, when a character is sad, you kind of want to hug them, when a character is being a douche, you want to bust a cap in their head. (nowhere else, lest they turn) if the actors had been any less interested in this project than they were this game would have failed, and you can tell that they\u2019re interested and want to see that the finished product is great. And they succeeded.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    That enough brown-nosing? You feel a little sick that I adore something this much? Well\u2026 good. My work here is done.<\/p>\n

    So, if you haven\u2019t bought any episodes of the Walking Dead, don\u2019t\u2026 (What!?) No, seriously, there\u2019s a disc release coming out soon that you should just wait for. But if you have bought any episodes then that\u2019s good, if you didn\u2019t like them, then I have nothing more to say to you. Except for, \u201cI don\u2019t like you.\u201d<\/p>\n

    If you\u2019re not interested in zombies, good stories, emotions, and intensity in your video games then steer clear of this title.<\/p>\n

    Story\u2026 yeah, I guess that was the longest intro in the history of history.<\/p>\n

    The game revolves around Lee Everett. (I\u2019ve already summarized his back story in the episode one review. (Link\u2019s at the bottom.)<\/p>\n

    Each episode is a continuation of the last, either taking place a couple months after the previous episode or, in the case of four to five, literally the second after the previous. And all the episodes end in cliff-hangers that make you want to shoot a hole through your Xbox because you know that you have to wait a month to see how it turns out. (Yeah, a month\u2026 that panned out pretty well.) Not meeting the deadline aside\u2026<\/p>\n

    Episode two takes place three months after episode one and Lee and the Donkey Kong crew have finished securing the motel that they had found in the first episode. Episode 2 opens up with Lee and some guy who they picked up in that three month span named Mark out hunting for some din-din. They start off talking about the best places to score weed or something far less offensive, maybe pertaining to all the jerks in their group, when they hear a scream. They assume the scream is from Kenny, if you play the game right Kenny is your best friend. (He has a sweet moustache, you understand now?) Anyways, Lee and Marky-mark find the source of the screaming, they realize it\u2019s not Kenny but is in fact\u2026 some guy. I don\u2019t freaking know who, and neither does anybody else. This some guy has his foot caught in a bear-trap, and he keeps on yelling, attracting every zombie ever. This guy also has two other guys with him, Ben and Travis (I think, I didn\u2019t bother remembering all the names.) Whatever, here Lee has a chance to really show the judges what he\u2019s made of\u2026 by chopping the guys leg off, or leaving him there. If you choose to chop of this poor saps leg, Travis gets ate, if you don\u2019t then this guy gets ate. Lee takes either Legless-Joe, or Travis (Who I think gets bit if you don\u2019t save the bear-trap guy) back to the motel. There Kenny\u2019s wife, Katjaa, tries to save him. While she\u2019s busy tending to the wound you probably caused, Lilly (If you play the game right, you won\u2019t be her best friend. She\u2019s kind of a dink,) tasks Lee with feeding the group (See? Dink) The group consists of ten people, but you\u2019re only given four PB&Js. Then you have to pick who you\u2019re going to feed. You\u2019ll obviously feed Clementine first, (Unless you enjoy seeing small girls suffer, you sick disgusting animal.) then you\u2019ll probably feed Duck, he\u2019s Kenny\u2019s son, so that\u2019s important. Go ahead and feed Lilly\u2019s dad, he\u2019s a douchebag and deserves to die, but at least be nice to the old man. And then try to give the last meal to Katjaa, when she refuses, take it for yourself\u2026 there you go, MLG STRATS! Anyways, once you get the hardest decision of your virtual life since being a male or female in a MMORPG (Do you want to look tough or sexy? It\u2019s a really tough question.) Katjaa asks you to help her with Legoless over here. She tells Lee that he lost too much blood and died, then she goes on about her day, I couldn\u2019t care less. These women\u2026 WAIT! IZZAT A ZAMBY? OH CRAP! Yes, turns out that when someone dies without having their brain destroyed, they come back with a serious taste for human flesh. So, you kill the legless zombie and ol\u2019 helpful Benjamin lends a hand. He says that when it all started off his band class held up in a gym with their teacher, who got caught in th- (HIS NAME WAS MR. PARKER! OH MY GOSH! I FINALLY FREAKING REMEMBERED!) Ben tells Lee and his home-dogs (that was a little racist) that there was a girl there who didn\u2019t want to live any more so she took some magic shrooms and died ina baffroom. Then she came back and infected the whole gym\u2026 Whoopsy doopsy. Then two guys show up and bring Lee to a farm. The end. Of the first little part, the rest takes place at the farm, which the group thinks could really benefit them.<\/p>\n

    EPISODE 3! Takes place one week after episode two. And has the survivors holed up in the motor inn. It\u2019s still the Motel, just a different name. Lilly tells Lee that she noticed some of their supplies are missing, Lee either flips out or keeps his cool, depending on your play style. Lilly asks Lee to investigate. There\u2019s nothing you can do to not investigate, it\u2019s one of those mandatory story type deals. Here, you get a little funny bonus; you can enlist the help of Duck, Kenny\u2019s son. (Duck is a really stupid name.) Duck will help you find clues and provide some chuckle-worthy dialogue, it\u2019s the only genuinely light-hearted moment in the series. Duck doesn\u2019t provide much use, in fact he kind of gets in the way, but it\u2019s worth it just to feel a little better about your situation. Through thorough investigation (looking through people underwear doesn\u2019t count.)You find out that someone in the group has been sneaking supplies into an air-conditioning duct on the outside of the Motel. That doesn\u2019t sit well with Lee and he calls the group together to question them about who the crap has been taking all the candy. Just then some bandits show up\u2026 yay. The bandits reveal that they had a deal with the group, but since they didn\u2019t get their Nutty-Buddies, the deal is off. They start shooting at the Motel instantly, no diplomacy in the apocalypse. (That\u2019s a good band name.(That\u2019s a copyright now. If you name your band \u201cNo Diplomacy in the Apocalypse I will<\/b> sue you.) Anyways, some Walkers (That\u2019s what they call the zombies, I kind of like that name a little more than zombies.) break down the gate and start munching up on people. Kenny books it to his recreational vehicle and tries to start it. You get some FPS action (not really) and then Kenny starts the RV. Everybody goes inside. Someone might have died, I can\u2019t freaking remember. Lilly starts cracking down on Ben and Carley\/Doug. (Who the second person is depends on who you saved in the first episode. I chose Carley, because Doug is a nerd and Carley is pretty.) So, Carley defends Ben and Lilly gets real mad. Kenny drives over a Walker, causing it to get stuck under the RV. Kenny has to stop the RV to get it out of there. Once it\u2019s stopped, Lilly orders everybody out so she can figure out who the crap did it, Carley ain\u2019t budging, Ben ain\u2019t budging, Lee aint\u2019 budging, Kenny budges a little but that\u2019s because he\u2019s trying to get a Walker out from underneath his sick ride and doesn\u2019t really care about what\u2019s happening with the other members. After some (much) arguing one character busts a cap in a nother characters head\u2026\u00a0 And Mico went into some blind rage, turned off his Xbox, and jumped out a window. Then Lee told this jerk to stay behind, she didn\u2019t like that, but she has to deal. (I might have made Lee tell her to stay behind. There was no \u201cStab her in the mouth\u201d option.) Then the rest get into the RV. Clem asks Lee about what happened, and I spiral into a deep pit of depression, (telling an eight year old what happened is surprisingly harder than you would think. (But you could just lie to her, you heartless fiend.)<\/p>\n

    Episode 4 takes place the day after episode 3, and it might be my favorite because of who you meet. Anyways, Lee and his drastically smaller group end up in Savannah after their train ride. (They found a train in episode three, pretend I mentioned it.) Then someone rings a bell in the nearest church and every Walker in the neighborhood just has to see what all the commotion is about. The group escapes to a house and then Lee, Ben and Kenny go inside to clear it out. Kenny and Ben head upstairs and ask Lee to check out all the rooms downstairs. Lee finishes checking the rooms and Ben coms down asking for help. Ben tells Lee that Kenny\u2019s been up in the attic for a really long time. It only took me like thirty seconds to check the house, so Ben\u2019s just being a paranoid-Polly.\u00a0 Lee heads up to check on Kenny, and probably the most shocking moment in video game history takes place in this very scene. I\u2019m not going to tell you what happens. But it involves a unicorn. So Lee starts digging a grave then he sees some pervert staring at him on the other side of the fence. And Mico partakes in a jump scare. Seriously, he just freaking shows up. Lee gets pretty mad and yells at the guy who runs away like a little baby. Once I finished cleaning my pants, Kenny tells Lee that he\u2019s going to search the coast for a boat. Lee goes with him and the two make it to the coast, I guess. Kenny finds a piece of crap boat and tells Lee to look around for something to help them out. Then you find the most terrifying image in video game history, and I\u2019ll tell you, it\u2019s a literal wall of dead bodies, and some undead bodies on spikes. Not terrifying enough for ya? Kenny tells Lee that that\u2019s not good enough and he needs to look through one of those coin operated zoomy devices. What are they called? I don\u2019t freaking care. After looking around at everything in your view for a bit, Lee sees someone climbing down a nearby building. Kenny and Lee hide while the masked survivor loots a newsstand. Lee decides to get a jump on this individual. But the ninja-like figure disappears and gets the jump on Lee. And I totally got it handed to me. (if you\u2019re quick you can win the fight, I however, am obviously stupid and lost.) So, Clementine shows up right as Lee\u2019s about to get a cap busted in his mouth, the survivor shows mercy towards Lee because he has a kid with him. The survivor reveals herself and says she\u2019s Molly. There, now I got a crush. Then a whole bunch of Walkers show up and Lee gets separated from the other three and is forced into the sewer. (They somehow found a way to sneak in a sewer level.) That\u2019s the most plot that I can give you. I can tell you that the ending of this episode kept me up at night, just from sheer worry and awe.<\/p>\n

    Episode 5 takes place at least thirty milliseconds after episode 4 and I can\u2019t tell you anything about it because it\u2019s got heavy spoilers, (Heavier than my usual amount.)<\/p>\n

    At the end of your zombie riddled day, the Walking Dead game is a solid experience that\u2019s definitely worth your time\u2026 depending on your outlook on life, death and the somewhere in between. Do I have any flaws? No. Does the game have any flaws? Yeah, sometimes the controls can get a little sluggish. Sometimes characters act like there\u2019s nothing in their hands, so when they\u2019re holding like a shovel or something they might cross their arms or point at something nearby with the shovel magically stuck to the palm of their hand. And that\u2019s about it.<\/p>\n

    If I had to rate this game I would say\u2026<\/p>\n

    Walking Dead = Very Yes<\/p>\n

    That means you should buy it. Oh, you got that? Ok, just checking.<\/p>\n

    \"LINK<\/a><\/p>\n

    http:\/\/baconstripempire.wordpress.com\/2012\/05\/21\/phantastic-ly-late-game-reviews-the-walking-dead\/#more-563<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Something relevant.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2,5],"tags":[523,522,524],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/885"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=885"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/885\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1166,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/885\/revisions\/1166"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=885"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=885"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=885"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}