{"id":879,"date":"2013-05-25T07:41:57","date_gmt":"2013-05-25T13:41:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/baconstripempire.wordpress.com\/?p=879"},"modified":"2013-07-17T08:19:48","modified_gmt":"2013-07-17T14:19:48","slug":"phantastic-game-reviews-luigis-mansion-dark-moon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/phantastic-game-reviews-luigis-mansion-dark-moon\/","title":{"rendered":"[Ph!GR] Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Dark<\/a><\/p>\n

Man, that annoying ghost dog can go die… Oh, wait.<\/b><\/p>\n

I\u2019m running out of clever ways to start these things. So let\u2019s use a traditional clumsy transition and get right into the thick of things. You know what\u2019s thick? Luigi\u2019s mustache. BOOM! Clumsy transition.<\/p>\n

Because I\u2019m talking about Luigi\u2019s Mansion: Dark Moon. Technically it should be called Luigi\u2019s Mansions<\/b>: Dark Moon, because you go into multiple mansions. But I guess Nintendo\u2019s keeping the branding the same to avoid confusing stupid people.<\/p>\n

Ummm\u2026 Sorry if you\u2019re stupid.<\/p>\n

You know who is stupid? That ghost dog. He shows up in the story. (Nailed it.)<\/p>\n

Once again Luigi is forced into ghost hunting by his old friend professor E. Gadd. Basically, there\u2019s something that keeps the ghosts from becoming evil called the \u201cDark Moon\u201d (I\u2019m not the only one who can do clumsy transitions\u2026 Nintendo.) The Dark Moon is stolen by King Boo. It\u2019s made pretty obvious that the king stole the Dark Moon because you can clearly see him throughout the game, it\u2019s also pretty obvious that he trapped Mario in a painting, again. (I\u2019m not spoiling anything, there\u2019s literally a part in the first mansion where you see the painting covered by a tarp and E. Gadd says \u201cThat hat looks familiar.\u201d So, only third graders would really be challenged by this mystery.) So if you were expecting a great and intriguing story, you can just smash that expectation early. I mean it\u2019s Nintendo, remember the last time Nintendo tried to make an intriguing story? We got Other M. (Shudder) Basically. E. Gadd forces Luigi to suck up a bunch of ghosts using the new and improved Poltergust 5000, and yes it is new and improved. (There are some swanky new attachments.) That\u2019s pretty much it. Also there\u2019s this dog that shows up every mansion and steals something that you need to advance to the boss room so then you spend at least one mission chasing after him. So that kind of sucks.<\/p>\n

You know what else sucks? The Poltergust 5000! (I am on fire today.) The Poltergust 5000 is just an improved model of the Poltergust 3000. (Don\u2019t ask where the Poltergust 4000 went, because I\u2019m still trying to figure that out myself.) The Poltergust 5000\u2019s new thing is that instead of being able to turn the flashlight off, Luigi can just activate the strobe light which just makes the light flash real bright and stun ghosts. I can see why they did this. See, Luigi\u2019s Mansion of the GameCube variety had a second analog stick, something the DS of the 3D lacks, so it\u2019s easier to be able to shine your light on the ghosts than having to hold a button to turn it off and then turning it back on when a wild ghost appears. Also, you don\u2019t have to wait for ghosts to become visible to flash your goods at them (Oh no. I\u2019ve made a terrible error.) So it\u2019s all G, Homie. Also there\u2019s a Dark Light. (Yeesh, two flashlights and not a bright bulb in between them. (read that like your father would and the joke will make sense.)) The Dark Light allows you to find invisible things and Boos. (Oy, this Luigi is always trying to find Boos, he is bad influence.) It makes for interesting puzzle design. If you can\u2019t make anything appear by shining the Dark Light around the room then you switch to using the Strobe Light and finally you just vacuum everything until something happens. (At least that\u2019s what I did.) Here\u2019s something else that happens.<\/p>\n

Luigi has really good animations. (Less awesome\u2026)<\/p>\n

That\u2019s basically it. Luigi looks hilarious. When you walk around a room that\u2019s cleared of ghosts he kind of has this smug stride to his step and when he starts running in a room filled with ghosts he\u2019ll do a Scooby Doo style leg twirl before running away like a little school girl. And this game also made Toads slightly more bearable just due to how every time they help Luigi solve a puzzle he gives them a high-five and it\u2019s super cute. (I AM ALLOWED TO LIKE CUTE THINGS!! ALRIGHT?!) You know what I don\u2019t like?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t like climbing over tightropes. (*fist pump* Hit my stride.)<\/p>\n

Okay, who\u2019s idea was this? Who looked at the 3DS and said, \u201cHey, you know what we need? Poorly implemented gyro-controls that are way too finicky yet somehow completely unresponsive.\u201d And Shigeru Miyamoto\u2019s just sitting in his office like \u201cSHIP DAT OUTA TOWN, MAN! WE GOT DAH BEST IDEAS!\u201d Yeah, it was kind like that. I mean. Yeah sure. You can use it to control the camera. You know what else controls a camera? A FRIGGIN SECOND ANALOG STICK! Ya retards. Okay, sure. You can use it to balance yourself while walking across tightropes. Umm\u2026 no, no you can\u2019t. This is a broken game mechanic, I was literally seconds away from chucking my 3DS at a dolphin after my eleventh try and first game over at the first tightrope section. (You see Nintendo? Gyro-controls kill dolphins.) So, yes, I almost rage quit over something that could have been fixed just with some more planning. (And don\u2019t tell me anything about turning off Gyro-controls. I was in such white-hot fury that I completely forgot that options were a thing.) You know what else is a thing?<\/p>\n

Ratings are a thing. (I\u2019m done with the poorly crafted transitions.)<\/p>\n

So on a scale from [INSERT RANDOM THING THAT IS APPEALING TO ONE OF THE FIVE SENSES] to [INSERT OTHER RANDOM THING THAT IS LESS APPEALING TO THE SAME SENSE] Luigi\u2019s Mansion: Dark Moon gets a [INSERT THING THAT IS PRETTY ATTRACTIVE TO THE SAME SENSE LISTED BEFORE, PREFERABLY LEMONS] Except for that gosh dang tightrope crap. That gets like a, prune or a piece of turd. You like that Nintendo? A little piece of turd? Just all up in your game? Obviously you do because you put it there.<\/p>\n

So, yes. It\u2019s a good game. It\u2019s actually a great game. Just watch out for tightropes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Man, that annoying ghost dog can go die… Oh, wait.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2,5],"tags":[523,522,524],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=879"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1151,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879\/revisions\/1151"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=879"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=879"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=879"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}