{"id":796,"date":"2013-02-02T12:18:43","date_gmt":"2013-02-02T18:18:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/baconstripempire.wordpress.com\/?p=796"},"modified":"2013-07-17T08:19:49","modified_gmt":"2013-07-17T14:19:49","slug":"phantastic-game-reviews-f-zero-gx","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/phantastic-game-reviews-f-zero-gx\/","title":{"rendered":"[Ph!GR] F-Zero GX"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"F-Zero-GX\"<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

Sonic\u2019s got nothing on Captain Falcon.<\/b><\/p>\n

I guess you want me to do an intro, right? Yeah, well tough.<\/p>\n

F-Zero GX is a game made by Nintendo. Nintendo is famous for making some other games that no one has really heard of. Apparently Nintendo also made a few consoles. But since nobody knows what a Nintendo is, I\u2019m just wasting my time here.<\/p>\n

So Nintendo is too busy making games like \u201cMario\u201d (whatever a Mario is) and \u201cPok\u00e9mon\u201d to realize that their extremely small fanbase wants them to make games that don\u2019t require them to beat the dead horse so much that it\u2019s literally rotted away and now they\u2019re just hitting the fertile ground with a stick.<\/p>\n

What I\u2019m saying is.<\/p>\n

Stop making this<\/p>\n

\"Super<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

Start making this.<\/p>\n

\"F-Zero-GX\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how many people have ever played an F-Zero game,\u00a0but if you have then you probably feel me when I say that we need an F-Zero game on the Wii U. So, you know. There\u00a0isn’t\u00a0one, so I guess I\u2019ll talk about the most recent one that was for the Gamecube. Why\u2019d they skip the Wii? Because the Nintendo is the stupid.<\/p>\n

So anyways, the story goes like this.<\/p>\n

Captain Falcon goes on all sorts of adventures.<\/p>\n

Yeah, I guess there\u2019s a story or whatever.<\/p>\n

Basically, Captain Falcon prepares for the Grand Prix while everybody and their mother tries to kill him, or hinder him from entering the competition, most of the time he just kills them first. If you can\u2019t beat \u2018em, kill \u2018em.<\/p>\n

So that\u2019s the story. What\u2019s the gameplay like.<\/p>\n

Have you ever played a racing game? You know, like one where you go 200 kilometers an hour? Yeah, just multiply that by ten and then add going upside down, aliens and killing the other drivers to that list and you have yourself some F-Zero.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s kind of hard to describe what\u2019s so great about F-Zero. It\u2019s all about going fast and being able to control yourself, lest you have 29 other drivers ram you off the road and then you die\u2026 Horribly.<\/p>\n

I can tell you what isn\u2019t so great about the game that doesn\u2019t derive the whole experience at all. First off, the voice acting is really bad, the race announcer is by far the best actor in the game, and all he says is \u201cgo\u201d and \u201cfinal lap\u201d and announce what place you got. If you win a Grand Prix you get the weakest, awkwardest and just plain weirdest interview ever with some guy who has green hair and head gear. Ok, I guess that they have to hire people with disabilities to appease the futuristic human rights people or whatever, but this guy is just straight up awful. Also the main story has a difficulty curve akin to a cliff face. A 93 degree cliff face. That\u2019s also on fire. The second mission is pretty easy, it took me two tries, which is fair. But I lost track of how many times I had to replay the third mission. And the fourth mission made me commit suicide. I came out of the grave to tell y\u2019all this. And that\u2019s what\u2019s wrong with this game.<\/p>\n

So, I guess if I had to summarize this game in one word it would be \u201cScrew counting how many words I\u2019m using, Dis game is friggin\u2019 dope.\u201d<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t tell you why I\u2019m reviewing this because this game is about as rare as a chimera, and I consider myself very lucky for having it\u2026 or having bought it off the internet\u2026<\/p>\n

On a scale from one to ten, F-Zero gets a zero\u2026 AN F-ZERO!<\/p>\n

#SWAGYOLO #CUT4BEIBER<\/p>\n

That\u2019s topical\u2026 or is it tropical?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sonic\u2019s got nothing on Captain Falcon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2,5],"tags":[34,87,164,523,186,296,522,524,457],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/796"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=796"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/796\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1161,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/796\/revisions\/1161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=796"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=796"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=796"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}