{"id":721,"date":"2012-11-17T10:44:49","date_gmt":"2012-11-17T16:44:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/baconstripempire.wordpress.com\/?p=721"},"modified":"2013-07-17T08:19:06","modified_gmt":"2013-07-17T14:19:06","slug":"phantastic-game-reviews-halo-wait-thats-too-calm-halo-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/phantastic-game-reviews-halo-wait-thats-too-calm-halo-4\/","title":{"rendered":"[Ph!GR] Halo 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

Never make a girl a promise unless you forget the quote.<\/b><\/p>\n

Boy-oh-boy\u2026<\/p>\n

I feel like I should say something but I\u2019m not gonna\u2026<\/p>\n

HALO 4!<\/p>\n

STORY!<\/p>\n

HALO TAKES PLACE ON A HALO, YOU PLAY AS THE MASTER CHIEF, HE\u2019S REAL STRONG AND HE CAN TAKE ON ALL THE BAD GUYS, IF I COULD MEET THE MASTER CHIEF I\u2019D TELL HIM HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME!<\/p>\n

I lied.<\/p>\n

Halo 4 picks up like a billion years after Halo 3 and tasks Master Chief with killing the bad guys. Also, Cortana, his pink lady friend is going crazy, also. Stories are unimportant.<\/p>\n

HALO 4!<\/p>\n

GAMEPLAY!<\/p>\n

If I could summarize this game in one word, I think I would use \u201cChurro\u201d\u2026 but because that doesn\u2019t make sense, so instead I\u2019ll use \u201cSatisfying\u201d. This game just makes me feel satisfied, like a grilled cheese, or a churro. (I guess it did make sense.) All the sound effects have been redone to make the guns sound like angels would if they were guns. And the gameplay is a lot quicker because they took a page from Call of Duty\u2019s metaphorical book and made sprint a thing instead of it being part of a bunch of other things, these other things being armour abilities, which have all been improved from Halo Reach. Another thing they took from CoD is specialized loadouts. Instead of starting each multiplayer match with an assault rifle and getting to pick ability, you can go into the menu and pick out your favorite gun, armour ability and grenade, luckily they limit you from starting off with a shotgun or energy sword, those guns, along with many others, are pick-ups that you can\u2019t have in your loadout.<\/p>\n

\u2018nother thing that happens maybe, is Spartan Ops, which isn\u2019t anything like Black Ops which is far superior in every way. (Any fanboys in the house?) Spartan Ops has you play as your multiplayer character in short story-esque\u00a0 missions that revolve around you mostly going into some area that\u2019s crawling with enemies then you have to hit a switch and kill every enemy. Every. Freaking. Time. Seriously, every Spartan Ops tasks you with the same objective. Yeah, sure it\u2019s fun the first couple of times and it makes sense, but I don\u2019t want to have to kill every alien on the map just so my retarded friends can land their retarded helicopter-jet. Plus they add more levels every week with new cutscenes that you can\u2019t just watch because they won\u2019t make any sense without doing any of the previous missions. So that\u2019s Spartan Ops, a fun little distraction that 343 really wanted to make the centre of attention. I\u2019m no expert, but most games make the campaign the centre of attention.<\/p>\n

So, whatever, this review is pretty short\u2026 so, uh, everybody\u2019s playing Halo 4\u2026 why aren\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

That took me about thirty seconds to write, so I got some extra time\u2026 uhh, how\u2019s the family? They\u2019re good? That\u2019s goo-<\/p>\n

NEXT WEEK!<\/p>\n

PAPER MARIO!<\/p>\n

THE NEW ONE!<\/p>\n

NOT THE 64 ONE!<\/p>\n

ALTHOUGH THAT ONE\u2019S COMING!<\/p>\n

CAPS LOCK IS MY FRIENDS!<\/p>\n

ONE TIMES I AND CAPS LOCK WAS HANGING AT A NIGHTCLUB AND HE WAS ALL LIKE \u201cHEY, WE SHOULD GO SOMEWHERE!\u201d (HE\u2019S ALWAYS YELLING!) AND I WAS ALL LIKE \u201cYEAH, WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT!\u201d (I WAS ALSO YELLING, THE CLUB WAS PRETTY LOUD!) AND THEN HE WAS ALL LIKE \u201cHOLD UP! HOT CHICKS!\u201d AND THEY TOTALLY HEARD HIM AND I WAS ALL LIKE \u201cCAPS LOCK, YOU STUPID IDIOT! THOSE GIRLS AREN\u2019T THAT HOT!\u201d AND THAT\u2019S WHY I\u2019M ALL ALONE THIS CHRISTMAS AND CAPS LOCK IS DATING, LIKE, FIFTY DIFFERENT GIRLS WHO ARE ALL SMOKING HOT!<\/p>\n

Sorry \u2018bout that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Never make a girl a promise unless you forget the quote.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2,5],"tags":[523,522,524],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/721"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=721"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/721\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1108,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/721\/revisions\/1108"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=721"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=721"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=721"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}