{"id":519,"date":"2012-02-27T11:13:23","date_gmt":"2012-02-27T17:13:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/baconstripempire.wordpress.com\/?p=519"},"modified":"2012-02-27T11:13:23","modified_gmt":"2012-02-27T17:13:23","slug":"things-i-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/things-i-say\/","title":{"rendered":"Things I Say!!"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, I figured since it\u2019s been a while and everyone loves to listen to me talk, I can write another blog post. None of those touchy feely will-they-or-won\u2019t-they things, but real manly stuff that men are into like steak and muscles cars. What should I talk about? Why don\u2019t you give me a topic?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m waiting\u2026<\/p>\n

Seriously, what the nicklepickler?<\/p>\n

Are you go-<\/p>\n

Oh, I can\u2019t interrupt you while you\u2019re thinking?<\/p>\n

Honestly!<\/p>\n

Ok, screw it. Things I\u2019ve been doing lately, don\u2019t you moan and groan. Seriously, it\u2019s bad manners, your mom never taught you about stuff like that? Shame. Ok, no I won\u2019t talk about things I\u2019ve been doing lately, how about things I HAVEN\u2019T been doing lately? Now there, is a topic. I haven\u2019t been bungee-jumping, I haven\u2019t read any good books, or any books. I haven\u2019t seen the light of day for about 16 hours now. I haven\u2019t seen the Eiffel tower. I still need to finish that great American novel I was pretending to write. I haven\u2019t been to the store. I didn\u2019t do my laundry. You know what? I\u2019m gonna finish that novel right now. Or make a short story up on the spot. It\u2019ll be about\u2026 Ted, and his adventures in Alabama. Ok, here goes nothing. Literally.<\/p>\n

Ted was a boy; he was tall for his age, and horrendously ugly. Like we\u2019re talking paper-bag-over-the head-ugly, here\u2019s a picture of him<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Yeah *shudders* Anyways, one day while Ted was taking his paper bag out to the dry cleaners, he spotted Missy, she was so mega hot that Ted got distracter and tripped into the street only to get hit by a car.<\/p>\n

While ted was recuperating, Missy came and visited him. (don\u2019t ask me why her name is Missy, I don\u2019t know.) Missy said that she was really sorry for getting him all mangled, not only was he hideous, but now he was crippled from the waist up. Missy said that she would miss him (eh?) while she went on a date with Valdo, the mega hunk down at Mega Alabama Tech High School, or MATHS (yeah) So Ted started crying, he was really going to miss having a pretty girl around. So Ted decided to do something about it. Ted then began to defy physics by forcing his upper body to do work, Ted got so muscular that it didn\u2019t matter whether or not he was super ugly, as long as he had the guns to pour oil on during really warm days at the Alabama beach, apparently that\u2019s what girls find attractive. So 5 months later, Ted went up to Valdo and punched him in the face, winning over Missy and becoming the new cool kid at MATHS. But Ted went to prison 3 years later for tax evasion and has been in and out ever since, he is currently on the run from the police, if you have any information please call the police at 911. Remember, he is highly dangeroux, do not approach him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, I figured since it\u2019s been a while and everyone loves to listen to me talk, I can write another blog post. None of those touchy feely will-they-or-won\u2019t-they things, but real manly stuff that men are into like steak and muscles cars. What should I talk about? Why don\u2019t you give me a topic? I\u2019m…<\/p>\n

Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/519"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=519"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/519\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=519"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=519"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/reimer.haus\/bse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=519"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}